Tuesday, February 21, 2017

How to Host a Swinger Party - Claire and Audrey Entertain

My friend Jess reminisces on the first time we met: “You were hosting a party at the ______ and you came out on the balcony with your face all lit up and told us ‘There’s a BDSM demonstration in the back bedroom. I’m going to need everybody to come along now.’"

Raising the Martha Stewart of swinger parties was not exactly what my mother had in mind when she stressed the importance of being a lady and entertaining with style. Her advice tended to run from the practical -- “Always prepare as much food as you can ahead of time and make sure it can be reheated,” to the obscure -- “Remember, when you stay at somebody’s house, to always tip the servants and scrub out the bathtub.”

This might as well have be straight out of “Gone with the Wind” -- “Only accept candy and flowers from gentlemen,” as far as relating to the actual circumstances of my life -- somewhat useful if you want to play the Melanie role. For those of us, who run a bit more to Scarlet, as in “The Scarlet Letter,” read on.
  Some must-haves to stock from Audrey’s and my actual experience hosting swinger parties:

Water bottles
Dixie Cups for mouthwash
Breath mints
Condoms, tastefully arranged in bowls in bedrooms, make sure to have a mix of regular, Magnum, and non-latex variety for those with skin allergies
Trash cans next to beds in every bedroom (not everyone who attends these parties has the same manners that you do).
Flattering lighting. I prefer lots of those little electric tea lights.
Blow up mattresses
Plastic covers for regular mattresses and pillows
Dedicated bed linens exclusively for use during LS parties Washable slip covers for any chairs or sofas you think might be used for play

*Extra points for a sex-swing or any Liberator furniture. Although, if you happen to have kids, you’ll need to dismantle that stuff. If your kids do get curious and discover, tell them that’s it's for your back therapy. **Music. Yours truly was raised with the adage "Everybody is entitled to their own bad taste." Simply put it, taste is not universal. Unless everybody at the party shares yours, you risk "playing with your back to your audience" or, if you are a male, with your proverbial appendage in your hand. This is not the moment to introduce anything that is too eclectic for your audience. Your true objective is for the women in the group to loosen up and want to get it on. Unless you are really good at reading a group, the safe option is to have everybody upload their favorite songs to the party list ahead of time. As the party host, you can always veto the worst offending selections. Where to Advertise your Party If you already know the group, you probably have everybody's Facebook. Savvy swingers who don't want their extended family asking questions tend to have a couples only Facebook account. If you are new to your local community, promote this on your local online swinger dating sate or befriend somebody who is already plugged into the hosting scene in your community and ask for their help in managing your guest list. Alcohol Either provide it yourself or make it BYOB. You do not want to remotely risk having any liability associated with your entertaining. The liability angle also applies to why it's not best to turn a swinger party into a money making opportunity. The Neighbors

Whether it's staying under the radar of the concierge and HOA at your high rise or dealing with your subdivision by-laws and neighbors, discretion is the rule when it comes to the way your guests dress and behave in public places. You want to continue being able to give parties. The last thing you want is for the neighbors to get miffed about suspicious activity in the lobby, elevators, outside or in parked cars and come knocking on your door to complain about "parking violations."