Thursday, March 3, 2016

Response to “How to Get Your Wife Into Swinging”

We (Audrey and Claire) are going to make the assumption that the blog entry "How to Get Your Wife Into Swinging" was written by a man for men. As a woman, this reads like “How to manipulate your wife to do something she would not consider doing on her own.”

The entire blog is written from the point of view of the man, weighing the pros and cons of trying to convince his wife to swing. The pros: surprise, surprise, your penis gets some new pussy. The cons: your wife may be pissed off at you for bringing up the subject; you, the man, may be jealous, seeing her with other men; and, finally, she may leave you for another man.

So our first question, as the woman (or the person you want to convince), is what are the pros and cons of your proposition for ME, not you, or, alternatively, for us as a couple?

In light of the limitations of this blog, we thought we would discuss some more effective strategies for broaching the subject with your partner. First, we’d like to question this article’s assumption that women are universally resistant to swinging and men are universally receptive. Sometimes the reverse is the case.


Before you broach the subject, you may want to consider your partner and what their concerns might be. Are you trying to fit a square peg in a round hole (no pun intended)? Take a look at your partner and evaluate your relationship. Are the two of you very sexual together? How frequently do you have sex? Do you watch a variety of porn? Are you creative in your sex life? Is swinging inconsistent with your partner’s religious, social, and/or political views? Are you looking at this as something to enrich your sex life or “fix” it? Are there other pressures on your relationship--children, trust issues, financial, work-related, etc? Are you in a very secure relationship? And most importantly, how good is your communication as a couple?

If you answered “no” to either of the last two questions, STOP right here. Swinging will not end your relationship, nor will it “fix” it. However, if you have challenges in your relationship stability or communication, it can exacerbate these issues. Swinging can be a positive thing for couples, but it is not right for everybody.  Also, it is not right for every couple at every moment in their life. If only one of you wants to do it, and you have to manipulate or pressure the other person into doing this, it may backfire on you. BOTH partners have to be able to process consensual non-monogamy. Most veteran swingers will admit that jealousy has come up. They have to be able to work through any jealousy issues that arise. Swinging can most definitely enrich your life as a couple, but make sure it is the right thing for both of you, and it is the right thing for you at this point in your relationship.

What are the Benefits?

If someone tries to convince me of something, my first question is what’s in it for me? I already know there is something in it for you, since you are the one trying to convince me. It is in your interest, then, as the persuasive partner to present a case for the benefits of swinging. A few obvious advantages stand out:

-Variety and Honesty: You can experience a variety of sex with a variety of people, without lying to, cheating on, or deceiving your partner.

-Bonding: This can be a bonding activity for you as a couple. Instead of playing golf together like your vanilla neighbors, you swing.

-Community/New Friends: It allows you to become part of a community and meet new friends that you might not otherwise interact with. It gets out of your suburban funk of doing the same old, same old.

-Relationship Supplement: Should one partner be expected to satisfy all your desires? Should you really be expected to give up the spark that novelty provides? When you know a partner for a time, it’s easy to settle into a routine. On the plus side, this means that your partner knows you and what gets you off. On the con side, this means that your partner knows you and what gets you off. For many swingers, the dance of flirting and wondering if someone you like is interested in you is a big part of the turn-on. It is the excitement of the unknown. Other people have different body types, personalities, turn ons, sexual styles. All of that can be exciting.

A word of advice on how to proceed

The persuading partner needs to make sure they don’t expect things to progress from zero to sixty in five seconds flat. They may hope to go to a swinger club and immediately live out their Skinamax fantasy. Be prepared that this journey may take time. The reality of swinging is that the “speed” is determined by the person with the slower tempo. Do not become impatient or blame them for not being able to play at your speed. Take the time for them to become comfortable with this idea and this environment. Be sensitive to their reactions and concerns. This may mean going to swinger outings and being voyeurs and/or exhibitionists for a time. For some women, bisexual play may be a stepping stone. 

Also, do not be impatient if the first time you attend a club or event, your partner is turned off. It may be that a meet-and-greet is a better first-time than attending a club. Many people, the authors included, started off with a lot of stereotypes about swinging. Laugh if you want, but the first thing your partner may need to be convinced of is that swingers are not flesh-eating vampires!

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