Wednesday, March 2, 2016

If the Presidential Primary Candidates Were Swingers…

We (Audrey and Claire) found ourselves contemplating what the presidential primary candidates would be like if they were in the Swinger Lifestyle. Which stereotypes might they fulfill? What would be their approach to swinging? How would they fare outside the political arena and inside the bedrooms of others?

 Donald Trump would be the classic rich older guy with hot younger wife: Beauty and the Crypt Keeper. He’s 69 and Melania is 45. He’s hoping to “trade-in” his Lamborghini for a Maserati. His target: another rich older guy with hot younger wife. 

Bernie Sanders would be Grandpa Swinger. He began his Lifestyle career in the 1960’s as a hippie, spreading the message of free love, much like he’d spread free education, in a Vermont commune. Today, along with wife Jane, he’s mostly “retired” from actual swinging with the exception of the occasional foursome at the local nudist colony.

 Marco Rubio would be the hot closet bi guy in the LIfestyle. He has a triple life. Married, socially and politically conservative father of four to the public. No stranger to Miami’s gay spas, he has found in swinging a way to reconcile his other two worlds. While he can be satisfied with women, what he ultimately is looking for in the LS is a MFM  that can turn into a MMF. 

Ted Cruz would be the Bible-thumping, anti-sex crusader who orgies every weekend at the club and then goes to church the next morning and acts holier than thou. His far-right social views are a reaction to his conflicting religious ideals and sinful sexual desires. He’s against gay marriage, but his wife loves girl-on-girl swinging, which he equally enjoys watching.

Hillary Clinton would be the brainy, no-nonsense female swinger who is in it for the ladies. Of course, husband Bill doesn’t see it that way. When it comes to women, he loves them all. This charismatic pussyhound from Little Rock thinks that full swap foursomes are the way to go, while Hillary pushes for girl/girl only.

John Kasich would be the stereotypical horny man who doesn’t have time for conversation or making “friends with benefits.” Known for his smugness, he thinks he can get any woman he wants. With his arrogant brashness, this former Ohio governor lacks the charisma to charm the ladies. His ever so unsophisticated pick up line: “Want to hop on it?”

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