Thursday, February 25, 2016

Women Swingers Talk About Their First Introduction to the Lifestyle

From the Women: 

Couple early 40’s: Wife is not a native English speaker and grew up in another country: “I heard about this swinger club called Trapeze on the Bert Show (popular FM radio). I was curious. I thought it was literally ‘swinging’ as in the jungle gym or some sort of imagined Cirque du Soleil antics. My husband knew about swinging and Trapeze from friends of his, who were in the Lifestyle. When he told me what it was. I said: ‘That sounds great. Can we go check it out?’ “

Couple, late 40’s: “We were driving in the car together. My husband brought it up. I cried. I wondered what was wrong with me. Was I not enough?”

Couple, early 40’s: “We met and got married when we were both young. He was my first lover. We’d been married many years and I felt very secure in our marriage and our family. I started looking back on my teens and twenties and regretting that I got to miss out on my high-potential slut years, and experiences with other men, and potentially women. We decided to identify a man for me to have a ‘safe’ consensual extramarital experience with. This happened to be his work colleague. It did not work out, for various reasons, many of them due to the other man being freaked out by this. My husband and I decided maybe we should go to an environment where the other people had already overcome this hurdle.”

Couple, early 40’s: “My husband asked me what kind of porn I might be into watching. I told him that I liked the ones where the couples switch partners. He asked whether I wanted to actually do that. My response was, ‘That’s an option?’ ”

Couple, mid 40’s, late 30’s: “My husband asked me on Mother’s Day. I remember thinking, ‘Whoa. Some sense of timing. Our kids are under five and we don’t have sex enough as it is. How is this going to improve our sex life?’ “

Couple, late 20’s: “The first time I kissed a girl was at a pool party at age 15, with the encouragement of many of my male classmates. I really liked it and my bisexuality was an important part of my high school experience growing up. I met my husband in college and got married soon after graduation. I kept bringing women home to bed with us, but the problem was that many of them were my friends and this often became awkward afterwards. My husband researched swinging and the local club. He suggested that we try this. I did not know it could be an option for me to have other men as well. That was a plus. Our local swinger club became the equivalent of Cheers for us.”



Couple, early 40’s: “I had been in a lesbian relationship for five years in my 20’s. Having been married to my husband for 10 years, I found myself missing a woman’s touch. Swinging was an opportunity to have sex with women again. From there, my husband and I progressed into couple swapping in addition to girl/girl.”

Couple, early 50’s, mid 40’s: “We met in a swinger club. It was his first time there and he was nervous about how to act. For me, I started going with a girlfriend a year earlier and had progressed to going on my own. I was getting a graduate degree and going to the swinger club about once a month was my stress relief, my reward to myself. He and I started kissing and we didn’t stop all night. We’ve been together ever since.”


Couple, mid-20’s, early 30’s: “I had been married for 10 years to a man who had no libido. Coming out of that marriage, I was frustrated and wanting to explore my sexuality after years of deprivation. When I met my first boyfriend after my husband, and he was open to it, we jumped right in after dating just a few months. Being a free spirit at heart, I was excited for the opportunity to explore this side of myself.”


Woman, early 30’s: “After getting divorced, I dated a couple of guys, some of whom were into non-monogamy and I decided that this was something I was comfortable with. I’m a single woman, in the dating scene now. I usually bring up non-monogamy early in the dating relationship. You would be surprised how many men are not comfortable with this. I’m dating a guy now. He hasn’t been in the LS, but he’s ok with this being part of my past and is interested in exploring if it can work for us. Right now, we’re just concentrating on our relationship with the two of us as a couple.”


Couple, mid-20’s, late 30’s: “A bit of a wild child, I had threesomes with teenage couples in my high school years. In my mid-20’s, I shared this with a boyfriend, who suggested we go to a swinger club.”

Couple, early 20’s, early 30’s: “I had lesbian relationships throughout high school. By the time I reached my early 20’s, I was with a boyfriend who was sexually excited, to a great degree, by my having sex with other people, especially other men. He took me to the local swinger club and watched while I took my pick of the single guys.”


Couple, mid-30’s: “My husband and I were highschool sweethearts from strict religious families. We were each other’s first and only sexual partners. We began watching porn 15 years into our marriage and had long since broken away from the conservative values of our upbringing. Watching porn inspired our erotic fantasies. Having no sexual experience with others, we saw swinging as an opportunity to explore this side of ourselves.”

Couple, mid-20’s: “My husband and I were highschool sweethearts. He had slept with other women before me, while he was my first and only sexual partner. He wanted to make sure that I had the opportunity to be with other men. He didn’t want me to wake up one day and ask, ‘What if?’ So he arranged for me to hook up with a single guy...and from there we became swingers.”

Couple, mid-40’s: “My husband and I had a single male friend, strictly vanilla. Somehow things progressed, and I found myself in bed with him, in front of my husband, at my husband’s urging. My husband continued encouraging me to explore my fantasies with our single male friend.  This man became close with our family, even attending outings with our children, where he was referred to as ‘Uncle Chip.’ “

Couple, early 50’s: “We were best friends with another couple. Our children were friends and we would hang out all the time and go on vacations together. It just naturally evolved. When the children would go asleep, we started to fool around and ultimately sleep with each other’s spouses. Ultimately the other couple ran into issues and drama, but we continued to do this, as swingers.”

A Few From the Men:

One of the authors talking to male half of couple in mid-40’s about her desire to write a book on swinging and the different stories of people who do it. His response: “Why in the world would anybody ever want to read a book about that? It’s basically the same story. We’re all a bunch of horny suburbanites.”

Male half of couple, in late 40’s: “I had a lot of women as sexual partners in my past. My wife had had very few. I felt that this would be a way for us to explore our sexuality as a couple together. Also, I thought about it from a scientific point of view and decided that monogamy was not natural.”

Male half of couple, in early 30’s: “She kept bringing women into bed with us.”

Man in mid-50’s: “I am 25 years older than my wife. I was in a higher management position in the place where we both work. She seduced me. At the same time, she is a lot younger than me and she wanted and I wanted for her to have more experiences with other men. I’m happy to swap with the wives where it works out, but this is mostly about her.”

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